This feed contains pages in the "humour" category.
So, a kid walks into the kitchen, wanting to scrounge about for a snack. She walks over to the fridge and opens it up, glancing through the shelves. What's this? Hmm, the apples aren't in the drawer like usual, they're on a shelf in the door.
"Mother, you have put the apples in a non-standard location!" she says. "This is in violation of FHS, the FOOD HIERARCHY STANDARD! How could you!?"
I think that I must exude violence in some unknown fashion. Whenever I wear the following shirt:
...in public, I seem to get quite a few odd looks, as well as "what does your shirt say?" Maybe it is too hippy-ish for an era after the 70s. I was, however, in a bowling alley with lots of bandies.
Just don't tell 'em about the hatchet in the top drawer of my dresser, or the Viking jokes...
So somehow tonight I ended up at a Harry Potter countdown party at a local Wegmans. I'm not sure why, but I did. It involved two friends, a phone, and a car. Otherwise there's no way I would have ended up in a supermarket at 10:30 PM surrounded by excited pre-teens wearing wizard hats.
Don't get me wrong, I think Harry Potter books are very entertaining most of the time. I'm just not that much of a fangirl. However, opportunities to be weird and scare people (especially small children) are usually not turned down.
And, y'know, there were other benefits:
Yes, that is a disproportionate red gummy-mouse in that cream/chocolate pie. Minorly disturbing if you didn't know it was there. The pies were swiped from the pie-eating contest while no one was looking. Looks strange when eating them while walking down the aisle of a grocery store looking for where they were selling the non-pre-paid books.
I'm not sure that I had money, and no, I did not buy one of the books. Heck, I can wait till my mother buys it for my little sister fine and dandy. I don't need to own it until I leave the house and it's in paperback. Hopefully nobody will tell me what happens.
There's this church that lies along my walk-home route, which has a sign outside it that today read "Not enough memory?" Good lord, I wish I had had a camera.
(At least I wasn't dreaming about matrices again.)
Gotta love the rigours of orthodontistry.
I'm over the "rant and fume" stage of the development and have passed on to laughing and joking about it. Smile, anyone?
The first rule of the road is that you have to stay in your lane. Always stay to the right, for best traffic flow. And yet, there are some people that insist on moving the wrong way on the wrong side--or even worse, having a hall posse that stretches across the entire hallway. Such maneuvers can cause utter chaos.
Now of course, there are some special rules for when you are in a hurry. Like it or not, there are people who just don't walk. For some reason, moving through the halls is equivalent to a stroll in the park. Fortunately, there are several methods to overcome this:
The "Bob and Weave" method, otherwise known as "Like Sam Lieu." The goal here is to move as fast as possible without damaging anybody else, by utilizing the 5 Ds: duck, dodge, dive, drill, and drive. Collisions may occur on occasion, and dirty looks are not uncommon.
The "Bull" method. This involves using the largest person in your hall posse to bull their way through the crowd, with you in his or her wake. Prone to receive more dirty looks and less laughter than choice #1.
While method #1 is often helpful for maneuvering moderately-crowded halls, #2 is the method of choice for crammed intersections, such as the 3-way junction before Cafeteria 1. This is the greatest problem before lunch periods; unfortunately, though relief was promised with the opening of the new A-wing hall, progress is yet to be seen in the traffic tangle.
With either method, just make sure to look red-faced and sweaty when bursting in the door of your next class. Maybe your teacher will take pity and not mark you as tardy.